Ann Moses

From the Archives of Monkee Spectacular #15, July 1968

One of the most depressing Monkees in your city-walking on your very own stomping grounds is that they’ll probably never even know that little old you exists. They’ll know you’re out there but how will they know that the you they see is really YOU, and not just a face in the crowd?

Well, there are some ways to be noticed (and hopefully not arrested while you’re at it) by the Monkees. That doesn’t mean they’ll acknowledge you, but if you’re the type of person who calls fan magazine editors at five o’clock in the morning saying that you plan to spend your entire savings on an unscheduled flight to Hollywood to sit on Davy’s doorstep – and will the editor please let you stay at her house and drive her to Davy’s doorstep -this might make you feel better.

FIVE WAYS TO GET NOTICED BY THE MONKEES

This little game has very strict ground rules, and to break them, even in fun, puts you in a position to be both strongly criticized and punished.

First, no lying, forging, cheating or stealing–if it’s even something as small as a wash cloth from hotel room. Secondly, some of the ways cost a great deal of money. You have to earn the money–you can’t borrow it or beg it or even use gift money. Fun sometimes takes work and this is a good way to learn.

Third, you can’t bug the Monkees and you can’t be disappointed if they don’t notice you. The fun is planning and executing these schemes. Remember that what you’re trying to do is almost as hard as stealing the gold from Fort Knox. So go at it with the attitude that “maybe they’ll notice,” not “they’ll notice or else!”

1. When you attend their concert, make a spectacularly large sign and let a few friends in on the scheme to help you. And I mean really huge. Once during a Beatle concert, someone dropped a sign from the top bleachers of Los Angeles’ Dodger Stadium that reached almost all the way to the ground. They were careful to drop it where it didn’t obstruct the view of other people in the audience and the Beatles made a special comment about it, smiled and waved.

2. Rent a helicopter and fly over the place they are staying. This takes lots of money–like around $150–but two girls did it one time when the Beatles were touring and George Harrison waved to them as they flew over. He’d been sunning at the pool. It was a pretty expensive wave but they earned the money and they felt it was their privilege to spend it and they did! Unfortunately, they couldn’t afford to buy tickets to the concert that night, but they accepted this with grace.

3. Buy your tickets early and arrange, connive and plead for front row (or anything from one to ten–people are pretty easy to spot that close) and wear the most shocking color outfit you can find. When everyone is sitting there in light blues, yellows and pinks, and you show up in a full length shocking pink outfit with a scarf to match, the Monkees will notice you!

4. Visit your local police department and purchase a picketing license for about $2. Gather friends, make signs and “protest.” Keep it orderly, quiet and well-mannered and the guys won’t mind a bit. You won’t block doors because you’ll keep marching and it might get you a wave from a hotel balcony. Think up clever slogans for the signs and call it a “Monkee Love-In” or something. Things like “Davy Unfair to Fans–He’s Too Cute!”

5. Make huge papier mache busts of the Monkees and station them strategically by their hotel or concert entrance. If they’re big enough and bright enough and clever enough, the guys will notice. And they’ll be flattered, too. There are hundreds of ways to be noticed by the Monkees. You get the picture with these five. Now instead of wasting all those hours simply pining away, get to it. You might succeed!

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