I had just finished getting Drake and The Golden Hind on the road when there was a knock at my door.
I opened the door to find a very feeble old man who said, “Western Union.” It was a collect telegram from Paul Revere!
Not having the $26.47 to pay for it, I gave the old man all my soda bottles instead. Once inside the house I tore it open the telegram and read the following:
GENIE THE TAYLOR STOP I DIDN’T WANT TO DO THIS STOP MAKE FIVE NEW WHITE VELVET COSTUMES OF YOUR NEW OLD DESIGN STOP WAS GOING TO HAVE THEM MADE ELSEWHERE FOR TEN CENTS LESS APIECE, THAT’S A SAVINGS OF FIFTY CENTS, BUT MARK INSISTED THAT ONLY YOU COULD DO IT, EVEN IF I DO LOSE MONEY THIS WAY STOP HE SAID HE’D EAT HIS CONTACT LENSES IF I DIDN’T ORDER THEM AND BELIEVE ME THE LAST THING I NEED TO DO BESIDES LOSE FIFTY CENTS IS HAVE A LEAD SINGER WITH A LUMP IN HIS THROAT STOP CAN’T YOU MAKE THEM FOR FIFTY CENTS LESS SO I DON’T LOSE ANY MONEY? PRETTY PLEASE, SIGNED, LOVINGLY, YOUR UNCLE PAULIE.
There was just no time at all! My secret spy operation informed me that they were to be used on a TV show that was to be filmed in two days! What could I do? There is just no time!
I flew down on my Magic Morris and bought everything, everything in the world! I knew these costumes had to have everything in the world, or else Uncle Paul wouldn’t be satisfied. I flew home and ran to get my specially made molds of the Raider bodies. I started sewing. Time stopped. I started fitting. Time stopped. I looked at the clock, it was late. I kept sewing. Time was going by. I looked at the clock. It was later. I was hungry. I ordered a pizza, I look back at the clock. It was getting later. I kept sewing. I kept fitting. I kept eating. I looked back at the clock. I couldn’t see the clock. I knew it was getting later.
The kitchen sink made a big lump in Smitty’s shoulder and the monkey wrench padded out of Paul’s coat I wondered if the tights were clean. I sewed on.
All of a sudden, I realized I was almost finished. I was so happy! Then I remembered the buttons. Oh no, I thought, 12 buttons on each coat, that 60 in all, oh, what will I do? I don’t know how to sew buttons on!
Just then a voice said, “Genie the Taylor, I am your fairy godmother Ramona, and I will sew your buttons on!” I looked up and I saw a fairy godmother standing over me with the thimble on her finger. I was so happy! But then, another voice said, “Genie the Taylor, I’m your fairy godmother too, my name is Pat and I will so your buttons on!” And another fairy godmother appeared with two thimbles on her finger.
My, my, I thought, I never saw a fairy godmother before who had two thimbles on one finger. My, that is interesting. I got real close to her so I could examine her finger and see has she done it when all of a sudden they started fighting. F. G. Ramona said, “I’m her fairy godmother! I saw her first!” And F. G. Pat yelled, “I’m her REAL fairy godmother! Anyway, I sew buttons on better than you do!” And before I knew what was happening, they were tearing each other’s wings and halos and magic wands and everything and pretty soon MY BEAUTIFUL JACKETS WERE LYING ON THE FLOOR IN SHREDS! ! !
I showed up at the TV filming a very frightened Genie the Taylor, I knew Uncle Paul would never believe my story. I knew he would just think I was NOT RELIABLE. And that is not the worst thing for Taylor to be–NOT RELIABLE. I could see the headlines in the paper in my mind *GENIE THE TAYLOR NOT RELIABLE *.
I could hear it on the TV newscasts. UNCLE PAUL TELLS ALL ABOUT GENIE THE TAYLOR.
But I had a plan. I walked into the dressing rooms and when Uncle Paul said, “Where are our costumes, Genie the Taylor?” I gave Paul the monkey wrench, Smitty the kitchen sink, Mark a spare tire, Harpo a rocking chair and Fang a piano and Paul, said, “Why, Genie the Taylor, these are the best made costumes I’ve ever seen! You put everything in the world into them! How about that fifty cents? “And Fang and Smitty and Harpo all said it once, “But in two days! You made us these beautiful costumes in two days! How in the earth did you do it? And Mark smiled and said, “Why do you think I named her Magic Genie?”
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